Notes from the Academy:

It can be difficult for newcomers to understand the language of professors and scholars in the modern academy, particularly when they are progressive, advanced, and insightful. Therefore, I have decided to provide some degree of translation service. Below is a short list of terms and expression as they’re said in academy followed by what they really mean. This will, I know, prove invaluable to all incoming students.

When they say: They mean:

*Genocide : White Male
*Holocaust : White Male
*Racism: White Male
*Murder: White Male
*Rape: White Male
*Plague: White Male
*Famine: White Male
*Tooth Decay: White Male
* Integrity, Honesty, and Righteousness : White Female with an advanced degree from a prestigious women’s college and a small family fortune in the low, but respectable millions. Trust funds preferred.

Oh, and way at the bottom:

Child Care: non-white Female with a brown face and a funny accent who is paid under the table and doesn’t have a green card and whose opinions, of course, do not matter.