Intermezzo

Hello, Everyone,

Well, today I’m supposed to be giving you “To New Mexico 3,” a.k.a., the next installment of our adventures in the Land of Enchantment. I’m just sure you’re finding them fascinating. Really, really fascinating. Downright compelling, even. You betcha. So stop snoring. And going face down into your keyboard. It distracts from the vast dignity of this situation.

Where was I? Oh, yes. I was going to write #3, but, here’s the thing, I’m running out of time. Over the next two weeks I’ve got to grade forty blue book exams, plus another forty papers, file my grades for two classes, prep another class for its first blue book exam, prepare for another class that begins two weeks from yesterday, write the syllabus for a third class that starts in July, and, oh, yes, edit between three and six chapters (depending) of a technical manual. I’m doing that last on a freelance basis. Great fun. So long as you like prose that reads sorta as follows: “The lesser wingnut of the self-steering Autopilot developmental impact environment for Closed or Semi-Open projects being restructured for OS2 compliance is probably the most important virtual fastener in the programmer’s quiver.”

I kid you not.

Still, I suppose it could be worse. I could be reading Postmodern historical theory. Or income tax forms. Or memos on torture from lawyers from the former Bush administration. This is better. But, then, so’s waterboarding.

Anyway, so I’m establishing a new kind of Xcargo. It’s called an “Intermezzo.” I call it that because is sounds much classier than, “A couple of paragraphs that I dashed off at high speed so I’ve actually got something to post at the end of the week but that’s Okay because you won’t read ‘em anyway.” Besides, it requires 31 fewer words. And in this day of resource scarcity and declining expectations it’s important for us all to conserve where we can. I think it’s very Green of me. And I ought to be proud. For being green. And I’m not even hung over. Which is when I’m usually puce. Or is that pucing? Whatever.

Oh, and there’s another reason for me to have Intermezzos. That’s because I like to have Martha, my wife, read my column before I post. She catches the occasional typo, and the rather more frequent descent into total incoherence. And when I say, “total,” I mean TOTAL. No halfway incoherent for me. No sir. When I do a job, I do it well. And incoherence is something I’m really good at. Why, I could get an advanced degree in pure gibberish. Goes along with the Ph.D. I didn’t get last year. And worth just about the same thing.

But, anyway, I like to have Martha read my material so that if I mention her in the text, she isn’t surprised when it goes live on the Blog or goes out via email. And that, in turn, cuts down on the possibility of her being insulted and taking after me with a baseball bat. Or a meat cleaver. I hate those. Terrible headaches afterwards. And, so, by showing her my text before hand she can inform me, gently, lovingly, and tenderly exactly where I’ve gone wrong. And then whack me with a frying pan. Which is much softer than a meat cleaver. Though it is, admittedly, stereotypical, but one must always applaud the maintenance of fine old traditions.

But, you see, the thing of it is that now and then Martha is as busy as, or busier than I am. She barely has time to breathe, much less go over my interminable prose. And I’m reluctant to ask her do so when she’s already flat out taking care of twenty-seven other tasks at once. For one, I hate to make her cry. For another, I worry about that frying pan. It’s getting some serious dints. Poor thing.

So, that’s why I’m introducing today the Intermezzo. It’s a shorter form of Xcargo which may be only be a couple paragraphs long but which I’ll be able to write and post in the limited time I’ve got, and with a relatively limited number of errors if Martha’s unable to read ‘em before hand. It’ll be sort of like Depth Charges, but one at a time rather than all at once.

Ergo, in future, you can look forward to Intermezzos on politics, science, philosophy, world events, art, music, literature, and other good stuff like that about which I know pretty much nothing at all. But, hey, that never seems to stop anybody else. So why should I get left out? I mean, really.

Right, so, next week, I’ll be back with a New Mexico if I’ve got time, or an Intermezzo if I don’t. But, one way or another, I shall return.

In the meantime, though, go check out my newest little venture: The Compleat Kick Ass Guide to Writing In College. You can find it at:

http://stores.lulu.com/compleatkickassguide

This is a little ebook that provides a few tips and tricks about how to survive the questionable joys of writing for university professors, instructors, lecturers and others of that ilk. And, speaking from the perspective of being one, I can assure you that some of us are very ilk indeed.

So, until next time…

Onward and upward.

mjt




Copyright © 2009 Michael Jay Tucker